Inca Llamaism (Classic)
Llamaism is an old, peaceful religion originating from Canada spreading to South America then becoming Inca Llamaism being mostly practised in Antofagasta region where it is now most practised. It was suppressed when the Inca empire fell. On the 29 of January 2018 when Micheal Jackson, (now Saint Micheal Jackson) nailed the rules of Inca Llamaism to the door of the Antofagasta old Llama church door (it is never proven that he did this) the religion came back. HolyDalaiLlama started the Llamaist revolution making it the Antofagastian state religion again. On the first of May TheHolyLlamaPope jumped in the volcano at Antofagasta to stop it from erupting. He died and for a couple of days, there was no pope, until the council chose Atahualpa, who wanted to reform Inca-Llamaism, and he did, he changed the rules and introduced a new bible, and renamed the things to make everything more Incan, he also made Peete pope, because only a Llama can represent God.
This is the second version of the Inca-Llamaism Bible. The first version was rewritten many times and has changed a lot of true history. God gave Atahualpa the knowledge to write this book in “the dream of the five statues” you will read about in the paragraph ‘Atahualpa’.
I, God, have created this universe millions of years before I created this world. I liked to make new planets all the time, but once it started to bore me. I decided to make something else, something that wouldn’t bore me in billions of years, Earth. It started as an planet full of terror, lava and death, but later I realized that this isn’t the thing I wanted, so I brought water to it. It would become the main source of living on my new planted. Not much later little beasts came out of the water and got to land. There was nothing on land so I created plants for them to eat. I created it that way so that plants were the only things that could provide you of food due to photosynthesis. Slowly more life came on my planet but it still wasn’t the thing I wanted all the time. All those little beast were funny but I wanted something bigger, something I could look to the rest of my life, that is a long time because I don’t die, so I created the Llama. It was a wonderful beast that was the best thing I ever created. Before this time I wasn’t really something, I was a ghost flying in space, but this, this was a thing I wanted to be. The Llamas weren’t enough, I wanted more so I created more, the dinosaurs. They were very brutal and started to eat my Llamas, except in the Andes mountain range, so I threw a comet on them. But without dinosaurs it was quit, very quit. And then I knew it! I needed people. And that is the part I got weakened. I created so much that mu power was gone, so I needed help.
And that were the words god told to the people in a small village near the lake Ockmanitshu. They heard it and first they thought it was fake, but deep in their hearts they knew it was true and so started the travel south, they didn’t know why it was just their feeling what told them to go there. Every head of the group keeps a diary in which they told their story’s. here is the one of Acahuara: Today our journey started, it was hard but we came very far. There are a lot weak people who slowed us down, one of those people died on the end of the day. We buried him under a nice tree. Week 61: we have travelled a lot and now we are by a very big lake or sea. The weird thing is that the water is high and then it becomes lower and then higher the hole day, we think it is a sign of God that we are doing the right thing. Week 189: were now 1326 days gone and 84 of the 319 died. 3 has been born. Today we stranded by a lot of great mountains, we have never seen something like this before. Week 221: hello I’m Apocatequil the son of Acahuara today we were by some hot pools with yellow stones around it, and we wanted to rest but when Acahuara and some others were in the hot pools there was an loud detonation and a lot of water. The water came up and the people flew in the air and the came down and were dead. There was a lot of panic and screaming. I saw people run who we have never seen again. They properly run into the woods and never found us again. This was probably an act of God to punish the one who did wrong things. They chose me to lead. Week 347: We are very slow at this moment because of the hot weather and the dry dessert. Today we met some people we with feathers and paint on their head who called themselves Paiute. They helped us across a great orange canyon were you can get lost very easily. they were very kind. Week 620: Today we are stuck. We walked ourselves into a problem. We are on a great peninsula the locals call Rubnatrula. The locals say they will bring is to the other side. Week 620: We are on the other side of the peninsula we can continue our journey to the holy land. Week 1033: my name is Fuchu, Apocatequil died this morning. I’m his brother and I rule in his place. Week 1056: today we met some local people near a great lake on a wedding day with 2 local clans ending up fighting. I hope it will have a good ending. Week 2469: today we entered an area with lines on the ground and the people who made it were very happy to show it all to us. Week 2604: I think we are at the place the prophecy told us to go.
There are people there who speak the same Language as the Incas from lake Ockmanitshu. The people from Cusco (as the natives called their selves) also call themselves Inca. The land they live in and their capitol is called Cusco. Cusco is a very new city and the people here are very kind, the leader here is called Manco Cápac he is the first Inca leader. His son (Sinchi Roca) and the daughter of Fuchu (Mama Cura) will marry and their children will rule over Cusco. We convinced all Inca’s here of Llamaism. There are a lot of llama’s here and they are very useful for the transport of heavy items. With the Incas being in Cusco my, God’s, power begun to grow back slowly.
After 217 years was a great Leader is born, his name is Pachakuteq Inka Yupanqui or just Pachacuti. He will rise to power 20 years later and he will start the golden age for the Inca’s. He was never meant to be leader, but when his family fled for the attacking neighbouring tribe Pachacuti took his change to rule. I, God, have whispered in his ear the tactics of fighting. He used them very well to conquer much land. It will be the start of the rise of an empire. In his conquering days he looted a sacrifice table that he was obsessed with. The table will go with him in his grave. Pachacuti also founded the great city of Machu-Picchu (which he declared capitol) and Antofagasta. The story goes that he looked into a flame and saw a vision: there must be a great statue of a Llama in Machu-Picchu. And as he commanded it happened, but unfortunately he could never see it finished. He died at the age of 53 and after his dead he was grounded the title of Pachacuti the Great. His son Túpac Inca Yupanqui conquered a lot of land north and commanded the construction of a great harbour and lighthouse in the city of Antofagasta. Under his reign the Llama statue in the capitol Machu-Picchu was finished and declared sacred by pope Muacpla Yupanqui. Next came his son, Huayna Capac a man who loved war and conquering, and he had a talent for it. With all the Llama statues being built and praying everywhere my, God’s, power was back from where it ever started.
But when Huayna Capac died the troubles came. Huayna Capac split the Empire it two parts, his son Huáscar was given the north and his brother, Atahualpa, the south. This was not the best idea of Huayna Capac and a civil war emerged not much later. It was bloody and thousands died, but in the end Atahualpa won. But when he won the troubles weren’t over. First there was a epidemy that killed s quarter of the population. It was a punishment from God. Later foreigners from the kingdom of Spain came down to conquer the riches of the Inca’s. Atahualpa was captured and his brother and best advisors fled on a ship across the oceans. Atahualpa was later killed and the Inca empire fell into a ruin. But that wasn’t the end of the problems raiders of all over the continent and beyond came to raid the gold of the Inca’s and later the great volcano Llullaillaco near Antofagasta erupted. It destroyed a lot and caused a lot of damage and death but in the end it made the ground fertile so more people came. This was a gift of God for all the problems he had caused. While this happened the brother of Atahualpa (Túpac Hualpa) and his advisors stranded on a strand in Fouthland, there was a lot of gold and other riches so the stranded Inca’s took their chance and raided it all. But when they were almost finished the hunting group Fourthlanders returned and attacked the Inca’s but the Inca’s flee just on time to pretend fighting. This event started the Inca-Fouthland war. They sailed back to Antofagasta and when they arrived the peace was back and a lot have happened, Llamaism was forbidden and got underground, Machu-Picchu was disbanded, there were a lot of foreigners even a group of Mongols who lost their home and now live in the Andes and a lot more. When they were back for a month the troubles came back. A group of Russians heard of the Llamas and wanted them too, but the Incas (who weren’t allowed to call themselves Inca’s anymore but only Spanish slaves) didn’t want to sell them. This started the Llama war. The Spanish agreed with the Incas and helped them but it wasn’t enough. The Russians were powerful and demanded it and threatened the Inca’s. finally the Russians won and they got the Llamas for a good price. But when they were gone the Fouthlanders found the Inca’s and raided and destroyed the city. There were heavy battles with a lot of casualties but in the end the Incas won. The Incas would never recovered of all those things ever since until march 2017. The Llamaism got underground with a few followers and a pope. Later when the pope died the pope generation was ended. When the pope and most of the Llamaist died there was no-one left to pray for me so I grew a bit weaker.
Until 29th of January 2018 when a stranger nailed the Inca rules on the door of the old Inca church in Antofagasta was Inca-Llamaism was forbidden. Later people were going to suggest it was Michael Jackson who did it but it’s still not proven today. A pope was chosen, his name is Hannan but he took the name Dalai Llama. Pope Dalai Llama started immediately with building things, he commanded to build a Inca temple no one has ever seen before. It would become a world wonder. He also wanted to build the Llama el Retentor in Machu-Picchu. And the great leader Pachacuti the second was chosen to rule a second time in Peruvia. On the 24th of march there was a world war coming. I, God, didn’t like this so I ended it instantly. 2 days later I spoke with the son of the mayor of San Escobar, a town in Mexico, I told him to make a Inca-Llamaist town in the Andes mountain range. He started to build immediately and named the town Carrasco. Two days after that HolyDalaiLlama died peaceful while reading the Bible on his seat in the Inca-Llamaism temple complex. TheHolyLlamaPope is elected as new pope by the Llamaist council. Nearly a month later God punished the bad and non-Inca-Llamaist, he did this for example by Pachacuti the second, Pachacuti has written a false book about Inca-Llamaism the day before so he was kicked from Antofagasta. TheHolyLlamaPope has always been a good Inca-Llamaist so he was grounded the leadership of Spain with he renamed The Inca Empire. Normal Inca-Llamaist have been leaven alone like Fabian. Later God has regrets and returned it all to how it was before. 3 days later the Llullaillaco volcano was on the edge of erupting and chaos emerged. But when TheHolyLlamaPope jumped into the volcano Antofagasta and its population was saved. The people of Antofagasta and behind were feasting while the faith was in panic. They didn’t expect TheHolyLlamaPope to die so they had no successor. After three days of voting a new pope was elected, Atahualpa.
I am Atahualpa, I was born I a Llama shepherds family, we were nomads so I had never had a friend but the Llamas. My family are true Incas, we all believe in Inca-Llamaism. My parents died when I was young I don’t know much of them but I know that my father loved making music on his Siku, and my mother always danced on his music. They both died under a stone avalanche. My grandparent and brothers are the ones I have to live with now. I don’t like them, all of them. Once I fell asleep with the Llamas and had a dream. It was not just a normal dream, it was a dream with God. I was walking with God, he was a very big golden Llama. I was under the Llama statue in Antofagasta and God spoke to me, het said that I had to follow him and he was touring me true Antofagasta. The weird thing is that all the Llama statues in Antofagasta came alive, (that is why this is later called the night of the 5 statues) we ended in the Llama temple complex were God said to me, “you can built anything so high to come closer to me, if I need you I will come to you”, and then I woke. When I was awake I had the knowledge of God in me, I had the knowledge to rewrite the bible. I went to the nearest city, Carrasco, and took some money with me from home. I left in the night without saying something. In Carrasco I bought a lot of paper and started writing, I didn’t know how because I have never learned to write but with the knowledge of God I could. I searched for a job, I found one by a baker so I could earn some money. When the bible was finished I went to Antofagasta. When I was in Antofagasta everything was exactly like my dream only now there were people walking true the streets. I got a lot of followers very soon and I worked myself high into the faith. Finally I was in the Inca-Llamaism council, the council with choses the new pope. When the volcano was on the point of erupting and TheHolyLlamaPope jumped into it I was elected as new pope.
After Atahualpa was chosen pope of Inca-Llamaism he declared TheHolyLlamaPope holy. He made new rules for Inca-Llamaist’s and introduced the new Bible. The new rules he made are not very strict, you can still be a Inca-Llamaist if you do not follow those rules, but you will never go to the Llama-heavens as a Llama. He also reformed the leadership of the faith. From now on only Llamas are allowed to rule the faith. No man can represent the Llama God, only Llamas can. Atahualpa also renamed the word pope to Piùs and Bible to Altapinùs because it sounded to western.
On August 25, 2018 Incan Llamaism fell to Unified Llamaism. The leaders quit and on the 25th they conceded that Incan Llamaism is now a former religion.
- HolyDalaiLlama (29.01.2018 - 28.03.2018)
- TheHolyLlamaPope (28.03.2018 - 01.05.2018)
- Atahualpa (01.05.2018 - 01.05.2018)
- Pietje (01.05.2018 - 21.6.2018 )
- Lllapu (21.6.2018 - ... )
Inca Llamaist holydays
Rules of Inca Llamaism
1. Do not steal.;
2. Do not rape;
3. Do not torture;
4. Do not kill humans;
5. Do not kill Llamas or other animals;
6. Do not own a poisonous potato because they are the sign of the hell;
7. Do not come in contact with lava;
8. Do not practice Nazism;
9. Do not own a weapon that is meant to attack or kill people except for the next reasons: It is allowed to protect yourself; It is allowed to use in a war you are called for by your leader.
Doing one of the thing named by rules is considered to bring bad luck. Praying towards the holy Llama statue in Antofagasta once a week is required to go to the Llama-heavens as a Llama. Own an emerald will bring you a good family as it is part of the Llama-heavens. Eating potatoes at least 3 times a week is very healthy. Every Inca-Llamaist have to visit Antofagasta at least one time.
The heaven is made of emeralds, some say it is in the Andes some say it is into the moon. The hell is a bad place where you don’t want to be. It is made of lava and fire. It is probably into the sun. When you completed your live sinless you’ll go to the heavens and you will be a Llama. When you complete your live with 1-6 sins you go to heaven and you will be a alpaca. When you complete live with 7-12 sins you go to heaven and you’ll be a guanaco. When you complete live with 13-30 sins you go to heaven and you will be a vicuña. When you kill or hurt a llama, alpaca or a human or 31+ sins you go to hell.
- Topa Yupanqui
Inca Llamaist temples (locations)
(If you, your town, or your nation are on a list and you are nlreotot anymore, either, are not a llamaist anymore, your mayor said your entire town is, but you are not, or other reasons, tell me in the commentsection bellow, i don't want people to be assigned to the wrong religion, G'day Y'all)