Church of Haybird

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The Church of Haybird, also known as Haybirdi Pissism is a denomination of Pissism that split from the main Pissists on December 22nd, 2021. The religion attempts to modernize Pissism with new traditions and to integrate the elusive figure of the Hallowed Haybird.

History

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Background

During the rule of Poop MattyG2012, Pissism had very little growth and began to stall in administration and religious events. NetherMite13 grew weary of the Poop's constipation in activity, so he decided to start his own more active branch of Pissism. Acadia already had many unregulated liturgical differences compared to main Pissism, and the figure of Haybird had rooted itself in Acadian tradition. But, NetherMite soon decided the formalize the schism to re-ignite Pissist expansion and activity.

Formation

On December 22nd, 2021, NetherMite posted the announcement on Acadia's Discord server. Template:Quote (Matthi3000 ) SaltedSuris, the leader of Labrador, decided to create his own church to combat Haybirdism, the Northern Orthocoxy Church, with Salted's church being more focused on traditional values.

Beliefs

The denomination strives away from the main Pissist church by cutting ties from the Poop and by adding new traditions and festivals in liturgy, while also adding the Haybird: a semi-historical aviary prophet who spread the word of the ballgod (without space) by landing his teachings in bird poop spread across every car in Acadia. Not much is known about him- his age, his origin. By Haybirdites, he hatched from the great bellend of the twin-vagabond of eternal urinal-wisdom and made it his great message to spread the idea of reformation from the old Pissists, and to start a new moral code that allows expansion and activity at all costs. The scriptures from these grand shits made by him are all compiled in the Book of Haybird: something only the followers have access to. There is only one copy, and it is guarded with utmost security: for it is the genuine shit-stained notes left by the great haybird.

Haybirdites also spell their deities name like "Ballgod". It is heavily disputed between the two sects, and spelling it the wrong way could lead to your head getting lobbed off. Due to a lack of access to the Book of Haybird, scholars cannot pinpoint why the Haybirdites are so radical in their spellings. One theory is that it is to emphasise the union between ball and dick, or the fact that piss is stored in the balls: so it must reach the dick in time before the balls and explode and therefore the ball is connected into a single mono-deity, not a dual-deity as taught in Orthodox Pissism. Another theory is that hyphens represent a lack of a pulse on a heart monitor, or the lack of growth in a graph: both of these represent stagnation and death in a religion, so therefore they're removed to make sure it does not attract death to the religion- which is avoided at all cost in Haybirdism. However, this theory is less accepted (yet still has a great amount of support in the field of Pissism Theology)